I have seen other bloggers do a letter to themselves, so I thought I would too. However, I am not going to write a letter to my child self or teenage self. I am writing a letter to myself from a couple of days ago…
I know right now you feel stressed, worried and scared but it will get better. Please don’t cry. You are an amazing mother and you know it, although sometimes you feel you can’t handle each day, you do! Try not to cry, it will all be ok.
When Jade looks at you, she smiles because she knows you are her mother. She loves you so much. When she is screaming, scrunching up in a ball because of Colic and scratching your neck, remember her smile. She will soon calm down and want to see your beautiful face. It will all be ok.
Don’t be afraid to leave the house. You might not have washed your hair in a week and living on dry shampoo but no one will care. No one will judge you. You are a new mother to a three month old baby, no one expects you to have a full face of make up or hair perfectly coiffed. Your hair maybe falling out from stress and acne appearing on your face but guess what, your husband thinks you are beautiful and tells you everyday. It will all be ok.
I know you don’t like to discuss how you are feeling with other people and keep it bottled up but you have so many friends and family around you to help, you just need to ask. I understand you can be angry when you open up to someone in private and they discuss it to other people without you knowing, but please don’t stress about it. Your husband doesn’t like to see you upset so you bottle it all up, but a single ‘how are you’ can start a tidal wave of tears. He wants to help you, don’t be afraid to accept it. It will all be ok.
You have a beautiful daughter, a loving husband and amazing friends and family who you can rely on. Think about the happy moments you share with Jade, the smiles, the babbling and the cuddles which make everyday worth it. Take a moment to watch her sleep, she is peaceful because she knows she is protected and loved by you. She is a blessing and a part of you made by love. It will all be ok.
Forget the days when you feel like a failure and you just want to cry, that’s just the 1%. Enjoy the amazing feeling motherhood brings you, that is the 99%.
It will all be ok.
**This post was very hard for me to write. I haven’t posted it on Facebook as I am too ashamed. To my friends and family, please don’t mention this post to me as I will end up feeling uncomfortable. I will ask you for help when needed, so please don’t worry**